Child custody battles are incredibly difficult times for parents going through divorce. When one parent has borderline personality disorder (BPD), the situation is even more strenuous and unpredictable.

If your circumstances involve a spouse with borderline personality disorder, divorce, and child custody, the following information can help you prepare for what to expect.  

What is BPD?

Borderline personality disorder is a mental health disorder that often leads to difficulty managing emotional responses and maintaining stable relationships. It can cause problems with self-image and create an intense fear of abandonment. 

These symptoms are often worse when someone with BPD is going through a stressful life event. Due to the stress of divorce and a child custody battle, your spouse with BPD may have difficulty executing good judgment and behaving rationally. 

BPD is a serious medical condition, and it’s important not to make assumptions about your spouse’s mental health. If you think your spouse may have BPD, understand that they will need to be diagnosed by a medical professional. After your spouse has been diagnosed with BPD, these next steps can help. 

First Steps to Take if You’re Considering Divorce or Separation

  1. Learn about BPD. Read and understand as much as you can so that you are fully informed about your spouse’s condition. 
  2. Document everything. Keeping track of your interactions with your ex can help establish both evidence of their mental health disorder and your integrity.
  3. Find a therapist who can help. This situation is difficult and will likely remain difficult even when your divorce is finalized. If you haven’t already, seek counseling from a therapist. Therapists can help document your fears and concerns, which can help to provide evidence if the need for it arises. 
  4. Find an attorney who has experience with situations like yours. An attorney who has worked on BPD divorce and child custody cases will know what problems may arise and how to best support you. 
  5. Tell your attorney about your spouse’s condition immediately. Let your lawyer know about any prior suicide attempts or hospitalizations. In addition, inform them about problems with former partners or other serious situations brought on by their mental health condition. 

Do you need help dealing with an ex-spouse who has BPD?
Contact me using the form below. I will respond in short order and we’ll set up a time to discuss your situation and goals.

How to Interact with Your Ex Who Has BPD


While the situation is very personal, it’s important not to isolate yourself. 

If possible, have one or more people present during your conversations with your spouse. They can be a witness to what happened and may help keep your spouse’s emotions in check. 

If you are still living with your spouse, be very careful about what you say to them. 


A person with BPD can have difficulty controlling their emotional reactions. While your spouse should be held accountable for their actions, you need to prioritize what is best for you and your children. 

Responding to their attack with an outburst of your own will not help diffuse the situation. If your spouse starts behaving inappropriately, stay calm and try to keep your children out of it. 

If your spouse is behaving erratically, document what happened as soon as you can. 

Consider asking the court for permission to get counseling for your children if your spouse keeps involving them. 


A person with BPD may become desperate and want to destroy your reputation or your relationship with your children.

To avoid this, document your communications and actions. Additionally, let anyone who may be in contact with them know that they should question what your spouse tells them. If your spouse is spreading lies about you, focus on spreading the truth instead of tearing them down in the process.  

BPD, Divorce, and Child Custody

If your ex has BPD, you should know about these additional factors as you start the divorce and child custody process. 


A settlement can be a good option for a lot of people going through divorce, but it’s not a good option when one parent may not respond to or comply with reasonable boundaries. 

When a parent with BPD is involved, settlement may not be possible. Sometimes a parent with BPD will not even consider settling.  


As always, you need to prioritize what’s best for you and your children. Getting what’s best for them may involve taking your case to court. Be ready for a battle, and remember that you’re fighting for your child’s best interests. 

Contact a BPD Divorce/Child Custody Attorney 

If your soon-to-be former spouse has borderline personality disorder, an experienced Child Custody Lawyer can help. Contact the Law Office of Ben Carrasco today.

About the Author
Ben Carrasco is a highly skilled family law attorney based in Austin, Texas, known for his extensive expertise in family law and business litigation. While his primary focus is family law, Ben brings a wealth of experience in litigating diverse business disputes, ranging from breach of contract and collections to business torts, fraud, and real estate matters. In his family law practice, Ben navigates all aspects of the field, including divorce, child custody, support, property division, and more, offering clients expert guidance throughout the litigation process. His legal journey began in complex commercial litigation, initially with a global law firm and later with a prominent Austin-based firm. However, driven by a desire to make a direct impact on people's lives and embrace the human element of the law, Ben transitioned to family law, a decision that has proven to be deeply rewarding. A proud Austin native with roots in California, Ben completed his undergraduate studies at the University of California, Berkeley, before earning his law degree at Stanford Law School, where he excelled in legal writing and served as an associate editor of the Stanford Law and Policy Review.